Questions & Answers From "Ask Finklehorn Ep 4"

Q: Doctor, My girlfriend does not want to have sex with me. It is not that she don’t find me attractive, she just does not have a sex drive to be with me anymore. We used to have amazing sex, and now... nothing.  What can I do?

A: The number one thing I learned in America is that No means yes. So the next time she says no do not listen, just make sure everything is well lubricated and that nothing smells like cheese and wine.

Q: Why is it that when a guy has a pimple on his penis it is no big deal for him but when a girl has a pimple down there he says its herpes!

A: In Russia when boy has pimple it means that lots of craps will come in from the Ukraine Ocean, but when girl has pimple it means famine will come in on all the land, so make sure everything is clean down there.

Q: Doctor, I would like to know if thin men have larger dicks than fat men?

A: It is all in the size of the tail. Look at his tail, if it is long and thick penis is not that large. If it is bushy and short he has a large penis.

Q: I got my clit pierced last month and ever since then I come just by walking and moving. It is getting really frustrating being in public. What should I do?

A: You need a puppy; they are specially trained to keep your clit ring in place. It will prevent you from having social orgasms.

Q: A saw the movie 40 days and 40 nights, in one of the scenes the guy made a women come just by using a feather, is that possible?

A: Yes, many times in Russia ostrich’s have made girls come with many feathers… these things will also work A Pirate sword a squirrel and a picture of a small child.

Questions & Answers From "Ask Finklehorn Ep 3"

Q: How the hell am I supposed to to put that big ass cheese grater up my husband’s ass hole? Is your ass hole that big?

   (This was a follow up question from episode 2)

A: The Cock Slap get your husband on all fours and smack his cock, this will allow him to relax his anal muscles, so you can insert anything you want  in there. And No My Ass Hole Is Not That Big.

Q: I am currently stalking this bitch and I think I am going to jump off a bridge because she won’t stop running in my mind what do I do?

A: Best way to attract a lesbian is to get Doc Martins and a plaid shirt and then do the call ... HOME DEPOOOOOOT and if all else fails... Jump off bridge.

Q: Why is it that my girlfriend wants to use a vibrator every time we have sex, not like a big one or anything but a little egg that she wants to put between us?

A: When the women’s pussy nipple is unpleased it causes shift in earths balance, and the apocalypse will happen now.

Q: OK so I would like to know why there are people who make love to their dogs and horse, how is that sexy?

A: In Russia women are as hairy as horse, so it is very easy to find hairy animals attractive.

Q: Why is Cum White?

A: There are ghosts in your balls, and when you bust your load you free a ghost.

*As per YOUR request, Dr. Finklehorn did the hokey pokey in the credits of today’s show.

Questions & Answers from Ask Finklehorn Ep 2

Q. What is a girls favorite position?

A. The gypsy nipple. Man stands on all fours arching his back while the girl is on top and rides him while holding on to his nipples.

Q. I would like to know why it is every time I have sex with a guy he wants to do me up the ass?

A. Back in Russia, the ass is a place of sacred protection. It means that he trust you and feels safe with you.

Q. What besides a dildo, can i use to satisfy my husband’s love for getting canned?

A. Cheese Grater!

Q. When making love to my girlfriend i want to hit that shit from behind, she never lets me.. Why?

A. She has severe anal discharge disease

Q. Why is it that my boyfriend has sex with me and he is always thinking about porn stars or skinny women?

And why are nuts hairy

A. He wishes that he was a male porn star with a big penis... so your boyfriend must have a small penis.

and nuts are hairy because in accent times the mole people thought that the amount of hair on your nuts was a sign of royalty.

List Of Questions & Answers from "Ask Finklehorn Ep 1"

Q: My left nut has grown larger than my right nut what should I do ?

A: Nothing ... no worries, over large balls means a bountiful harvest.

Q: I watch porn and I notice that all the male stars have large penises do they have to monitor their depth.

A: American women’s vigina is much like sheep ... and back in Russia we put everything in a sheep, even baby sister.

Q: Why do married or involved men feel the need to watch porn when they have a women at home to please them.

A: It is all about the cheesy music. Buy a saxophone.

Q: Is it true that men that take steroids have big deformed dicks and little balls.

A: No, just like the Russia Olympic team they are removed.

Q: Why is it every time I tell my boyfriend he can put it anywhere he wants he always put it in my ass

A: Americans are closed minded, Russians have EAR SEX.

Questions asked on "Late Night With Dr. Finklhorn"

Q.  I went to sleep last night with a penis and woke up with a Vigina.

A. You dont have a problem.... can you shoot ping pong balls from it ?

Q.  My boyfriend seems to take to much interest in my neighbor what should I do?

A. Remove your neighbors genitals.

Q. I am happily married, but recently I have been having dreams of another man.

A. You deserve a firm Suoo Suoo, put hand in deep fryer because it shows that hand is only for you, and then you shave your head because no one likes a bald women, they think she has a cancer. The only person that should be blowing his seamen on your face is your husband.

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